The Start of Forever

So... Rogel and I are finally wed. Civilly, at least, and now we're planning for our church wedding next year. One would think that 8 months is enough to plan a wedding, but many churches and potential reception venues have already been booked. After only one week of scouting, I'm almost ready to pull out my hair in frustration. Well, not really. I suppose I'm just worried about not getting the church and venue I want (and can afford) as time goes on. It's really hard not to have a car to do ocular inspections of these churches and venues. Another fact is that my dear husband is busy with his studies... it's his last term in nursing, and I really don't want to jeopardize his grades and whatnot, but on the other hand... I really, really, REALLY just want to finalize our church and venue so I can move on to OTHER stuff... stuff which could be left to me without needing his input. I really just need his opinion on the church and venue 'coz honestly, I find myself second guessing my decisions. I like something during an ocular inspection, then start disliking it as the day goes on. I just need someone to balance me, to tell me to stop stressing out and that the venue is nice and this is what we want and so on.

I hope I can finalize our church and venue in the coming week. I wish it could be as easy as just choosing among all the beautiful venues out there, but we're operating on a budget, which really limits our choices. Maybe on our 10th anniversary we'll just get married again in an intimate ceremony with only our close family and friends in Tagaytay. Hopefully we'll both have stable jobs by then with savings in the bank. But right now, I just want a nice wedding that can fit our budget. Something that our guests would describe as simple but romantic. If only we could have less guests, but my parents have so many relatives and friends that they need to invite. I just hope that the 200 guests we agreed upon (50 for Rogel and 150 for my side) is already final and I don't get surprised later on. The venues I've been looking at can mostly fit a maximum of 200, so the guests really need to be just 200.

Anyway, wow, it's a nice feeling to be blogging again. I truly have a love and hate relationship with having an on-line journal. Like in my livejournal... I ended up meeting and becoming friends with the most memorable people... people who've become a part of my life... well, at least before. Now I'm left with memories, mostly bittersweet... I've began a new chapter in my life, and everything feels... different now. I feel like I can never go back to that girl I was, the girl I sometimes wish I still were. I'm not sure if I'm truly ready for this phase in my life, but... life happens, I guess, and sometimes there's nothing you can do but live it and make the most out of it.

Sometimes I still wonder about the choices I've made... echoes of someone's words occasionally ring in my ears like a distant chant. I've made my decision, and most people would say it's the right one, but I still wonder...

I have many fears. It's hard not to be afraid when you're in a situation you never imagined yourself to be at this point in your life. But then, life simply gets out of your hand sometimes... though an old friend would argue with that adage and say you control your life every step of the way.

But I've made my bed and I can't go back.

I just hope and pray that everything would be alright...

But anyway, enough of this melancholia, next entries would be about the venues we've visited. I wish I took more pictures, darn it. I've been toting my camera all over the place but I keep forgetting to use it.